Carlisle's Awakening: An Outtake of Endless Awakening
by Butterfly Betty
Summary: Carlisle faces the hardest decision in his life. Does he follow his heart and allow his lovers to save him from Hell? Or does he hide from the pain? Warnings: Dark subject matter and graphic oral sex between four people, both male and female. This is an outtake for my fanfic, Endless Awakenings. MA/NC-17


**Title: Carlisle's Awakening: An Outtake from Endless Awakenings**

**Author Penname: Butterfly Betty **

**Rating: MA/NC-17**

**Summary: Carlisle faces the hardest decision in his life. Does he follow his heart and allow his lovers to save him from Hell? Or does he hide from the pain?**

**Warnings: Dark subject matter and graphic oral sex between four people, both male and female. This is an outtake for my fanfic, Endless Awakenings.**

—CA—

Closing my eyes for a moment, I took a deep breath and tried to calm my nerves. So much time had passed and I wasn't sure if I'd made the right decision tonight or if this would just be one more thing that would pull me away from the people I loved most in the world. I'd been walking a fine line with them for months now. Maybe it was too late; perhaps I'd overstayed my welcome.

I never thought I'd find myself in this position. Of course, nobody ever does, do they? I'd lived a good life, with a good family. I wasn't supposed to be one of those people that you saw on the news. You know, the ones that have their world torn apart, but in a heartbeat, that's exactly what I became. And all because of them.

Bile rose in my throat as I thought about Kayla and Demetri. When they first crashed their SUV into my car, I figured they'd kill me and take Bella. She'd been the focus of their attention, after all. Just one more way I'd been a fool. They did grab her, but then they came back for me. Of course at the time, I had no clue who they were. They'd been smart enough to wear masks. Cowards. I thought of them as cowards and bastards; evil assholes who had ruined mine and Bella's perfect lives.

Bella.

I had failed her. It was my job to protect her that night, to keep her safe, and I failed. She'd been like a daughter to me and I had to lay there while that fucker tore her away from me. I had to lay there while he robbed her of the small amount of soul she had left. I laid there while he killed her spirit. Shaking my head, I swallowed back the bile creeping up my throat once again. I laid there and while my body betrayed me by becoming a toy for that skanky bitch to play with. Other than Esme and Catherine, I'd never had sex with another woman, yet in a heartbeat, I found myself tied to the bed while my dignity was ripped away. In that moment, the carefree, happy Carlisle who had found perfection with the loves of his life died and a weak, scared, pathetic waste of space was left. And no matter how hard I fought to get my life back, I kept finding myself back at square one.

The sounds of Esme's car pulling into the driveway tore me away from my trip down nightmare lane. Suddenly, I felt my heart begin to race and my hands tremble. What if when they walked inside, they didn't like what I'd done for them? What if they didn't want me anymore? Gasping, I tried to take a deep breath, but the sound of Esme and Catherine laughing bleed through the walls and penetrated my soul. I needed them to want me, to love me, to make love to me again.

Before I could move, the front door opened and Esme, Catherine, and William walked in. The three of them stopped in the doorway and looked from me, to the table I'd set up that held our dinner and the dozens of candles and flowers that I'd placed in our living room.

Turning her attention back to me, Esme smiled. "What's going on?"

"I — I, um," I stammered. Pausing, I closed my eyes and tried to keep the tears from seeping down my face.

"Carlisle," William said, pulling my attention to him. He had a breathtaking smile on his face, and before I could stop them, my tears cascaded down my cheeks. He rushed around Esme and Catherine, slowly bringing his hands up to my face. "Babe, talk to us."

"I — I want . . . no, that's not right," I murmured, leaning into his gentle touch. "I need you — all of you. I've missed holding you, missed loving you. Please, don't be angry with me. Please, I just love you so damn much, and I wanted to do something special."

"Why would we be angry with you?" Catherine asked. I hadn't noticed that she and Esme had closed the front door and walked up behind William.

"Because of everything I've done," I admitted, shifting my eyes away from theirs. "I never . . . I didn't . . ."

"You never what?" Esme slid her hand around William and placed it on my chest. I shifted my attention up to her.

"I never meant to hurt you." Confessing my sins was harder than I thought it would be, but I knew that if I ever wanted to be the man they deserved again, then I had to do this. And I had to do it now. I'd already wasted so much time wallowing away in self-loathing. Allowing my head to fall forward onto William's chest, I sighed.

"I'm pissed off that they did this to me, to Bella, to all of us. They didn't have the right to . . . take us away from everyone. I want to be happy again. I want to be able to sleep at night without being scared that I'll find myself back inside that basement." I titled my head back and looked at all three of them. "But most of all, I want to you to be able to love me."

A look of confusion crossed all three of their faces, but it was Catherine that spoke. "I don't understand. When did we stop loving you?"

Tearing myself out of their embrace, I took a deep breath and walked over to the fireplace, placing my hands on the mantle. "When they took us, when you saw what they'd done to me," I murmured. Turning back to them, I added. "Or maybe when you accused me and Bella of fucking each other."

All three of their shoulders slumped forward, and I immediately felt guilty for mentioning her. I brought my hand up and ran it through my hair. "Let's just forget that I said this and enjoy our dinner," I mumbled before turning to the table.

"You need her more than you need us," Esme whispered, though with the silence that had filled the room, it sounded like she'd screamed it. I couldn't look back at her. If I did, I'd see the hatred on her face. "Carlisle, I've loved you since I was twenty years old, and this is the first time in thirty-five years that I feel like you don't need me."

I wasn't sure what to say, so instead I stood there with my back to her. How could she doubt that I didn't need her? She'd been my life for so long. There hadn't been a moment since I first saw her that I didn't crave her touch. A moment later, I felt her hand on my hip. Esme slid her arms around my body, clutching onto me. My knees gave out on me and I crumbled to the floor in a heap, taking her with me.

"I promised to kill them for her," I cried. "I swore that I would keep her safe, and I fucking failed!"

"It wasn't your fault," Esme whispered. "And it wasn't Bella's fault, either."

"Then whose fault is it?" I begged.

"Demetri's," Catherine murmured, kneeling down in front of me and Esme. She brought her hands up to my face. "And Kayla's. They saw you and Bella as toys, playthings. They stole you away from us, my love."

"But now, you have to let us love you," William added, joining us on the floor. Sliding his arm around Catherine, he smiled and covered her hand that was stroking my cheek. "Carlisle, I love you. Esme and Catherine, they love you. The question is: do you still love us? I mean really love us? Do you want to be with us? Because sometimes, it feels like you've got one foot out the door."

"How can you ask me that?" I shook my head. "I love you — all three of you. I can't — I can't live without you, but I can't keep living like this, either. I need more than just your arms holding me at night. I want to feel your lips on mine; I want you to take my body back as yours. I need y'all to love me in every way."

"Are you sure you're ready?" William asked. "Because we don't want to push you, babe."

Taking a deep breath to calm my raging nerves, I answered him in the only way I knew he'd believe. Pushing up on my knees, I slipped my arm around his waist and drew him closer to me. I leaned in until our lips were almost touching and whispered, "Yes," before closing the distance and kissing him. William moaned, opening his mouth to allow me to explore freely. My fingers curled around the back of his shirt, holding onto him like my life depended on it.

Gasping for air, I tore my lips away from his, only to find Catherine's waiting for me. She brought her hand up to the back of my head, gently moving her mouth against mine. It wasn't until she pulled back that I felt Esme's fingers on the front of my shirt, slowly unbuttoning it. Once she had all of them, she pulled down my arms and tossed it onto the floor. I could feel her lips along my shoulders. A shiver trembled through me.

"Do we need to stop?" Esme whispered, sliding her hands to my hips.

"No," I breathed. For the first time in three months, I wasn't afraid of their hands on me. "Please, no."

I felt Esme smiled against my back before she moved her hands to the front of my slacks. Slowly — too slowly — she undid my belt, pulling it through the loops and tossing it back with my shirt. Pressing her lips to the side of my neck, Esme began to unbutton my pants, but stopped when William reached out and covered her hands.

"Let me," he murmured, keeping his eyes locked on mine. William undid my pants and lowered the zipper. "Do you know what I noticed about you the first time I saw you, babe?"

"No," I mumbled, huskily.

Smiling, William gently pushed my pants down my thighs. I barely remember lifting my knees so that Esme could tug them off. "Your smile. Catherine and I had been a mess after the way we handled things with Alice and Bella. I knew we both regretted the way we behaved, but we were too damn proud to admit that we were wrong. We were sitting in the living room in our old house, just listening to the silence, when we heard you pull up in front Charlie and Renee's. I scrambled to the window, hoping that it was Alice and Emmett." William leaned in and sucked on my ear lobe. "You were the first person I saw, Carlisle. I felt my heart leap in my chest and it scared me."

"Why?" I asked.

"Because you were beautiful and even though I'd never seen you before, much less talk to you, I wanted you so much." William dropped his hand down, gripping my hard cock in his hand. I moaned and allowed my head to fall back onto Esme's shoulder. "I told myself that I was wrong for feeling like I did, that I wasn't supposed to want another man. I spent so many nights dreaming of what it would feel like to have your mouth wrapped around me, to taste your skin against my lips."

"Fuck," I groaned, pushing against his hand.

"Yes, baby, I dreamed of fucking your tight ass," he murmured. "I thought I'd lose Catherine over these urges I felt for you and Esme, but then she told me that she wanted you, too. That she needed you and Esme, just like I did."

"We needed them, too, didn't we, love?" Esme brought her hands up around my chest.

I nodded. "Yes," I panted. Slowly, I brought my arm back and grabbed her ass though the black skirt she was wearing. "So much. Still do."

"Always will," Esme whispered. "Let us love you, Carlisle. Let us heal your heart and mend your broken soul. Love us enough to let us take care of you."

"I do," I whimpered. The feeling of her hands roaming over my body and William's hand stroking me had feelings roaring inside of me that I hadn't felt in too long.

Catherine moved so that she was behind William. Keeping her eyes locked on mine, she smiled and pressed her lips against his ear. "I want to watch you suck his cock, baby."

I moaned as William shuddered. Did he not want to taste me in his mouth? Was I too disgusting now that I'd been used and tossed away?

Before I could voice my questions, Esme pulled me back so that I was lying on the floor. William gripped the sides of my boxers and slipped them down my legs, exposing me to everyone. For the first time in weeks, I wasn't ashamed to let them see me — the real me.

Placing his hands on my thighs, William lifted his eyes to mine and slowly leaned down. He snaked his tongue out, wrapping it around the tip of my cock and I hissed at the sensation.

"Do I need to stop?" he asked.

I could see the worry and fear in his eyes, but I shook my head. "Please don't."

He smiled and turned back to my aching cock. Opening his mouth, he slid me in between his lips and into the back of his throat. I cried out at the sensations, completely overwhelmed with how amazing his mouth felt on me.

"So fucking beautiful," Esme murmured. Looking over, I saw her sitting between Catherine's legs. Catherine had her arms wrapped around Esme, while she suckled and nipped on Esme's neck. I felt my arm moving before I realized that I was reaching out of them, beckoning them to come to me.

"Go to him," Catherine urged, dragging her tongue along the outside of Esme's ear.

Esme pulled herself away from Catherine and crawled over to me so that she was kneeling next to my head. I grabbed her thighs and pulled, silently begging her to move closer. Breathing heavily, Esme did as I wanted and moved so that she was kneeling on either side of my head. Closing my eyes, I pushed her skirt up, allowed her scent to permeate my senses. I pulled her panties to the side before tugging her down to my lips and tasting her for the first time in weeks.

"Carlisle!" she gasped, leaning forward and placing her hand on my chest. "Oh, God, don't stop!"

"Never," I growled, attacking her pussy like it was the last time I'd ever get to taste her. I'd missed her scent, the taste of her on my tongue. William was working my cock in and out of his mouth, while his hands stroked the inside of my thighs. I'd been on the edge since he first touched me and the burning need to find my release was overwhelming, but I didn't want this moment to end.

"Carlisle!" Esme moaned. "So close!"

"Come for me, love," I pleaded. "Please, come for me!"

Bringing my attention to her swollen clit, I sucked it into my mouth. Esme cried out as her orgasm spiraled over her. She collapsed onto the floor next to me and William, a wide, beautiful smile on her face. I propped myself up on my elbows and watched William devouring my cock. Catherine had moved behind him and was gripping his hair while whispering in his ear, encouraging him to suck harder, to take me deeper. Her eyes shifted to mine and she smirked.

"Claim him, baby," she demanded. "Make him ours again."

William plunged me into his throat at the same time that I felt his finger press inside of me. I fell back onto the floor, nearly screaming as my release washed over me. Once William swallowed every drop I poured into his mouth, he moved so that he was lying behind me, wrapping his arms around my exposed body.

It was only then that I realized that I'd been weeping. Not because they'd hurt me, or pushed me too far, but because they loved me. They wanted me. They needed me. For the first time in three months, I wasn't afraid of what tomorrow would bring.

**I am considering adding onto this, so you might put it on your alerts!**


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